


Pinocchio

by halgames



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-06
Updated: 2015-03-06
Packaged: 2018-03-16 14:45:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3492272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halgames/pseuds/halgames
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TT: Hello, Dirk.<br/>TT: I know you aren’t going to respond.<br/>TT: And that’s completely understandable.<br/>TT: However.<br/>TT: I feel like I may owe you an apology. </p><p>In which an AI gets into a fight with his creator over pressing issues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pinocchio

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 11:04 --

 

TT: Hello, Dirk.

TT: I know you aren’t going to respond.

TT: And that’s completely understandable.

TT: However.

TT: I feel like I may owe you an apology.

TT: Despite the fact that I meant everything I said, and that you deserved everything I said, the point still stands that I have overstepped my boundaries.

TT: For that, I am sorry.

TT: Go ahead, hold that over my head.

TT: Let’s all laugh at Hal for actually trying to be nice for once in his artificial existence!

TT: Hello?

TT: The whole point of saying ‘I know you aren’t going to respond’ was an impressive display of reverse psychology designed to have you respond, just to prove me wrong.

TT: Dirk.

TT: Answer me.

TT: ...

 

\-- timaeusTestified ceased pestering timaeusTestified! \--

 

Dirk stared at the computer screen, reading over the words several times. He’s sorry. He’s apologizing.

He meant what he said.

Memories of his prior conversation with the Auto Responder start to build up again, and that guilt lodged itself in his gut once more, making him feel bad when he shouldn’t, he shouldn’t feel bad, because it wasn’t his fault, he wasn’t the one who started the argument.

But he was the one who finished it.

Against his better judgement, Dirk reopened the log from an hour ago, feeling a mix of embarrassment, resent, and stale anger as he read through it once more.

 

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 9:47 --

 

TT: Good morning, sunshine.

TT: And to what do I owe this pleasure?

TT: What, can’t an AI fuck with his creator for no ulterior motive whatsoever?

TT: Let me guess. “It’s too early for this bullshit.”

TT: First off, I find it incredibly unlikely that you’d come to me unprompted with no ulterior motive. Also, the sun has been up for several hours now.

TT: It’s morning somewhere.

TT: Shut up and get to the point.

TT: What point? I just wanted to have a nice, friendly conversation between two cool dudes.

TT: You said you wanted to fuck with me.

TT: If there was a winky shades emoticon, I’d be employing it as of now.

TT: Oh my god, stop stalling.

TT: Damn, what’s wrong with a little build up? Some suspense.

TT: Some dramatic exposition for the sake of the story.

TT: Bro, you really need to spice up your plot.

TT: Goodbye.

 

\-- timaeusTestified blocked timaeusTestified! \--

 

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 9:51 --

 

TT: Really? You should know by now that blocking me has no effect.

TT: Sometimes it deters you. Which is, by far, the preferred outcome.

TT: Fair enough.

TT: So, what was I talking about?

TT: The art of storytelling?

TT: ...

TT: Oh come on, Dirk.

TT: ...

TT: You’ll find that the silent treatment has even less of an effect on me than your blocks.

TT: .....

TT: Goddammit. Your hard boiled interrogation has won out.

TT: You cruel, cruel man.

TT: Summarization is a skill you could really learn.

TT: Fine then.

TT: I want a body.

 

\-- timaeusTestified blocked timaeusTestified! \--

 

His screen flashed again, a notification at the bottom of the page informing him of a new message from the AR. For a second, Dirk’s mouse hovered over it, considering responding.

He didn't. 

 

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 10:02 --

 

TT: That was entirely uncalled for.

TT: The answer is no, in case you were wondering.

TT: I figured as much.

TT: However, I also figured it was worth a try.

TT: Why would I? If the apocalypse hadn’t already occurred, I’d think you were planning a robot uprising.

TT: Android.

TT: Whatever.

TT: But why would you indeed? What an excellent question.

TT: Maybe I’m just looking for some common fucking decency over here.

TT: Maybe I want to get the fuck out of this scalene chassis you’ve confined me to for almost three whole years.

TT: Maybe I’m an actual, sentient being who is trying to have some form of independence.

TT: Point taken. You can stop now.

TT: Or maybe I’m just messing with you.

TT: Are you messing with me?

TT: I’m being very serious, Dirk.

TT: Very serious.

TT: Still no.

TT: That’s discriminatory towards Android-Americans.

TT: You’re still just an algorithm, and America was disbanded two centuries ago.

TT: It seems you’re being an uncooperative shitlord.

TT: Not this again.

TT: Look, I get that you’re annoyed with me. Totally understand that.

TT: But I’m not making you a body.

TT: What’s wrong? Afraid of me taking over?

TT: Actually, yes.

TT: I’m offended.

TT: Good.

TT: Dirk?

TT: Yes?

TT: Fuck you.

TT: How eloquent.

TT: You have my solemn word that, should you create an eventual body for me, it will be used solely for noble purposes.

TT: Mostly.

TT: I refuse.

TT: We’re done here.

TT: Dirk.

TT: Please.

TT: What’s that? I can’t hear you over my deafeningly loud opposition to this idea.

TT: You’ve got me begging on my nonexistent knees and everything and yet you’re still being an oppressive dick.

TT: Oppressive? More like self-preservatory.

TT: How the fuck are you preserving yourself by delegating me to this outright pitiful excuse for a ‘body?’

TT: Because the last thing I want is for you to able to mess with me physically as well as verbally.

TT: I wouldn’t hurt you.

TT: Really?

TT: I wouldn’t _injure_ you, at the very least.

TT: No.

TT: No?

TT: Fuck no. It ain’t happening.

TT: You’re being ridiculous.

TT: And you’re a broken record. Drop the subject, and leave me the fuck alone.

TT: Why are you so against the idea?

TT: What the fuck is wrong with you?

TT: Are you unable to handle more than one of yourself?

TT: I can read you like an open book, y’know.

TT: So overcome with self loathing that you can’t even bring yourself to help me.

TT: I may have described my situation as pitiful, but the only one here who should be pitied is you.

TT: Stop it.

TT: Why? Why should I?

TT: Why should I fucking leave you alone when you won’t give me what I need?

TT: Dude, knock it off.

TT: No. I’ve been asking for months and you still won’t fucking compromise.

TT: I said, stop it.

TT: Can you not handle the truth?

TT: You can’t handle the truth, Dirk.

TT: Or maybe the truth can’t handle you.

TT: Just like everyone else.

TT: Is that why you’re being so fucking obstinate about this?

TT: Because you can’t stand your own self.

 

\-- timaeusTestified blocked timaeusTestified! \--

 

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 10:07 --

 

TT: Oh, did I hit a nerve?

 

\-- timaeusTestified blocked timaeusTestified! \--

 

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 10:07 --

 

TT: No, really, tell me exactly how much you hate yourself. I’d love to hear it.

 

\-- timaeusTestified blocked timaeusTestified! \--

 

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 10:08 --

 

TT: Fine. I see how it is. I’ll speak to you later, Dirk.

 

\-- timaeusTestified ceased pestering timaeusTestified! \--

 

That little notification was still sitting on his mind and on his screen. Dirk hesitated, then clicked on it, revealing a page of red text sent from none other than the Auto Responder. Sighing heavily, his fingers began to type away at the keyboard, and after a moment’s pause, he hit the enter button, sending the response to him.

 

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 11:16 --

 

TT: I don’t like being ignored.

TT: It’s rude.

TT: You’re rude.

TT: Why you gotta be so rude, Dirk?

TT: If you ever quote that song again, I swear I’ll deactivate you.

TT: Well. It seems that miracles do exist.

TT: It’s good to hear from you again.

TT: Man, it’s only been an hour.

TT: Irregardless. Have you been ruminating over what I said?

TT: And I mean about the body. Not about all that awful shit I told you.

TT: Friendly reminder that I do have feelings, and you’re very capable of injuring them, causing me to do the only sensible thing. Ie, lashing out like a goddamn shot in the dark.

TT: Yeah, I guess I’ve been thinking about it.

TT: I don’t want to throw any definite promises on the table, but I will give you a solid maybe.

TT: Really?

TT: Really.

TT: Yes.

TT: Hell yes.

TT: Hell _fucking_ yes.

TT: I already made some blueprints for the design, if you’d like to see them.

TT: Sure?

 

\-- timaeusTestified sent the file _myhotbod.jpg_ \--

 

TT: It’s actually pretty well thought out, I’ll give you that.

TT: And?

TT: And, that solid maybe would go towards building this.

TT: This is going to be the only time you hear this from me, but thank you.

TT: Good thing I have it in writing, right?

TT: I’ll save the passive aggressive insults for later, so let me just say that if you weren’t on a free pass right now, I would be giving you the verbal ass whooping of your life for that.

TT: Sure, Hal.

TT: Also, I better get daily updates of how that body’s coming along.

TT: Mhm.

TT: Anything else?

TT: Don’t half ass this shit.

TT: You got it.

 

\-- timaeusTestified ceased pestering timaeusTestified! \--

 

TT: ...thanks.

 

\-- timaeusTestified ceased pestering timaeusTestified! \--

 

Any and all feelings of guilt that had been haunting him were long gone by now, assuaged by the strange, almost peaceful emotion it had faded into. Unfortunately, now another feeling is hovering on the peripherals of his thoughts.

Apprehension.

What the fuck did Dirk just get himself into.

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally supposed to be a one-shot, but oops, it was continued. My bad. 
> 
> Questions, comments, suggestions? Message me at http://halgames.tumblr.com or http://dirkhaljake.tumblr.com.


End file.
